Rant without reason

no matter where i turn, not matter how much i run
I can never seem to get away from this "so-called" fun
my life is a mess, my memories not but pain
i would swear it wasn't worth it, am i still sane?

food never satisfies, water never fills
That hole within, which give me the chills
life is amazing, anyone can see
then why can everyone enjoy it but me

I feel empty betrayed and used
my mask and myself have finally fused
I can no longer return to my true identity
i can simply keep the act as a completely different entity

my parents divorced, me true parents never married
doesn't seem enough to have me this buried
but within me hides the truth, the darkest secret of mine
that one thing that would send chills up your spine

I can't tell a soul, I can't trust none
I now know why jail is so awful, after the deed is done
being stuck in a place, without any escape
from the horrible crime, I'm caught by the red tape

but i just have to endure, 1 more year,
before i can confess, without any fear
in courts my crime will be forgotten, but with confession
i will be set free from my depression